What?
by Reusch17
Summary: Somthing happens to Michiru that makes her think about something she doesn't want to.
1. Chapter 1

**What?**

**A/N-I don't own Haruka or Michiru.**

**Michiru's POV**

I didn't feel it when it happened. It was so quick and painless… the blade must be really sharp. I only noticed something was wrong when I felt something warm flowing down my hand. I looked at it and my eyes went wide with shock. This can't be happening. I was so absorbed in my shock I didn't notice Haruka walk in. I vaguely heard her talk, but couldn't quite make out the words. I did however recognize the sound of dishes breaking as she dropped what she was holding and ran to my side. She grabbed a dish towel and wrapped it around my hand, taking my other one and placing it on top to keep the towel in place. I noticed the blood was quickly seeping through the once white material, staining it a deep crimson. Haruka grabbed my arm and pulled me out to the car. The entire time she was talking to me, saying things like, "Keep pressure on it…. Hold on Michi… You'll be alright." Still I said nothing I just stared at the dripping cloth on my hand. By now I was starting to feel the pain from the slice across my palm. It was reaching unbearable when Haruka pulled up to the hospital. She parked illegally in front of the doors and she pulled me from my seat dragging me into the hospital. When we got to the front desk the nurse took one look at my hand and immediately called for a doctor. She started leading me further into the hospital and when we reached a set of white doors she turned to Haruka and stopped her from following, saying that she wasn't allowed past. Haruka protested loudly, but then looked at me and my hand and simply nodded. She placed a kiss on my forehead and after a few more reassuring words the nurse pulled me through the doors.

I was taken to a sterile room and was told to sit down and place my hand palm up on the table beside me. I did as I was told and the doctor who had arrived carefully started to pull the towel away. He quickly replaced the towel with some gauze, which soaked through just as quickly. He ordered the nurse to get a gurney and prepare the O.R. for surgery. Surgery? Was it really that bad? He saw the look in my eyes and spoke to me.

"The cut looks fairly deep. From the way it's bleeding I would say that you've definitely cut some of the veins and arteries. We're going to try and control the bleeding first and then we'll have to take a look to see if there is any damage done to the muscles and tendons." He looked at me and I just managed to nod. I was feeling a little woozy. Thankfully the nurse had returned with a gurney and with some help from the doctor and the nurse I managed to lie down on it. Immediately the nurse hooked me up to an IV and also a bag of blood.

"We got her blood type from her 'boyfriend'." The nurse said as she finished connecting everything. Soon they were pushing me through the halls on our way to the O.R.

"Good. Alright then Ms…"

"Kaiou." The nurse finished for him.

"Alright Ms. Kaiou I'm going to numb your hand, but we're going to keep you awake while we work on you. It's much safer that way. Again I nodded. I didn't seem to have a voice. Soon we were in the O.R. and they were cutting the sleeve of my shirt off. They draped blue sheet over me and I could no longer see my hand. I felt the prick of a needle and soon nothing from my left hand.

The entire time they were working on my hand I couldn't stop my mind from racing. I almost wish they had put me under… then I wouldn't be able to contemplate the seriousness of my situation. My hand… I had sliced open my hand. I was only cutting a bagel when my hand slipped and the knife went right through the bagel and across my palm. Such a simple little mistake… it took less then a second and now… now my life might forever be changed. I prayed with all my might that it hadn't gone deep enough to cause any serious damage. I prayed that everything would be fine and that my hand would still be fully functional. I prayed…

I'm not sure how long it took for them to finish, but when they did they rolled me into another room and left me alone for a moment. I took it to look down at my hand. It was heavily bandaged and I still couldn't feel it. I looked up as the door opened and saw Haruka come in. She looked terrible. She was pale and worry was etched on her face. She sat down next to me and took my good and into hers.

"How are you feeling?" She asked as she stroked some hair from my face.

"I don't know." I answered truthfully. I really didn't know. Physically I didn't feel anything, my hand was still numb, but emotionally I was in turmoil. I could tell by how Haruka was looking at me and my hand that she was thinking the same thing I was and the next minute voiced it.

"How bad is it?"

"I don't know… the doctor said he would be back soon." I looked into Haruka's teal eyes and couldn't hold it in any longer… I burst into tears. Haruka stood up and pulled me into her arms, attempting to comfort me. We stayed like that until we heard someone clear there voice. Haruka released me and wiped the tears from my eyes while giving me an encouraging smile. I tried to return it, but I know I failed. Haruka stood to my side and I could now see the doctor standing there with a chart in his hands.

"I'm sorry to interrupt you two… but I have some bad new for you I'm afraid. The cut was fairly deep and unfortunately you managed to sever some of the lumbrical muscles." He looked from me to Haruka and saw that both of us had blank expressions. He continued to explain. "The lumbrical muscles are a group of muscles that make up most of the palm. They connect to the wrist and to the fingers. They essentially act as a pulley system and control the extension of your fingers." The room went silent before Haruka spoke.

"Are you saying that she can't… can't move her fingers?" Haruka asked as she squeezed my right hand.

"Yes and no. She can move her fingers, but the ability to open and close her hands is at this point questionable. We repaired the severed muscles as best we could, but we won't know for awhile if you'll regain full movement of the hand. The most I can tell you right now is that you will need extensive physiotherapy and that it won't be easy. If you're lucky, given time it will be back to normal… but as I already said we can't tell for sure if everything will heal properly or fully. I'm sorry." Once again the room fell silent. Haruka looked at me and I can tell that she feels horrible… but not as horrible as me. "The can go home now and the numbness should wear off soon. Here's a prescription for some painkillers which you can pick up from the pharmacy when you leave. For the time being you shouldn't try to move the hand at all. Let the muscle try to heal itself and I'll see you back here in one week so we can take a look at it, ok." Both Haruka and I nodded and the doctor smiled at us and left the room. Haruka sat down in the chair once again and I felt how she once again tightened her grip on my good hand. I looked at her and could feel the tears forming in my eyes. She reached out and wiped them away.

"It's going to be alright. You're strong… you're body will heal itself. You have to stay positive, ok?" I nodded, but I felt anything but positive. "Do you want to go home now?" Again I nodded. I stood from the bed and Haruka put her arm around my shoulder and I leaned into her protective warmth. We walked out of the room and after stopping at the pharmacy and picking up my medication we went to the car. Haruka opened the door for me and I was about to get in when I saw the red drops on the upholstery.

"I'm sorry about the blood." I said as I sat in the car. Haruka knelt down next to me and turned my face towards her.

"You have nothing to be sorry about… I love you." She said as she placed a soft kiss on my lips. She then stood up and closed my door getting into the driver side herself. 30 minutes later we arrived home.

I walked up the stairs to our bedroom with the intention of changing. I had trouble due to my hand, but Haruka had followed me and helped me change. Afterwards I sat down on the bed and stared into nothing. She sat down beside me and asked in a caring and compassionate voice,

"Do you want to talk about it?" I shook my head and replied in a small voice.

"No… not right now."

"Ok, but I'm here for you alright? I'll help you through this in any way I can… I love you Michi."

"I love you too Ruka." I said as I embraced her. After we broke apart she stood from the bed.

"I'll go make us something to eat. Are you going to stay here?" I nodded and she left the room and went downstairs. I sat on the bed awhile longer staring at my bandaged hand. Soon the diminishing light in the room, caused by the setting sun made it hard to see. I stood from the bed and left the room and walked down the hall. I stopped outside another room and put my hand on the doorknob. I hesitated for a moment, but then turned it and entered the room. My eyes fell first upon the black grand piano in the corner. It gleamed in the orange glow from the window. Slowly my gazed wandered and fell on the one thing that had conquered my thought since I cut my hand. My violin.

My eyes watered as I walked over to it. It lay on a table in a corner of the room. Slowly I opened the case and traced my fingers along its polished surface. What would I do? What would I do if I could no longer play the violin? It wasn't only my profession or career… it was my life. What would I do if I wasn't allowed to do the one thing that I truly loved? What?

**A/N-Alright before you ask me why is Michiru attempting suicide... she isn't. The knife she was using slipped and cut her. Ever heard of a bagel cut? Anyways guys please don't hate me but don't look forward to an update to this. I really just needed to vent about a similar problem I have about maybe not being able to continue my job because of the injury I sustained. I don't know what to do about it cause I can't think of anything else I would want to do. I'm just frustrated and I wanted someone else, even if it is a fictional character, to feel what I'm feeling right now. And since I don't have an answer to my problem... neither does Michiru... Gomen.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N- I know, I know… 'Living'. I'll get to it. Just had a need to do something with this one despite my earlier hesitations on it.**

**What Ch 2**

A week had passed and it had honestly been the worst week of my life. Haruka tried her best to comfort me and I love her for it, but I was inconsolable. Often when Haruka was busy preparing or cleaning up after a meal I would sneak off to the music and sit there in silence… looking at my violin. I don't think I've ever gone this long without playing. I never lasted more then a few minutes before I would break down crying.

I couldn't stop thinking about what I would do if I couldn't continue to play the violin. It was more then just a profession… it was my life. My father taught me how to play when I was a child and after he died it felt like it was the only thing I had left of him. Since then playing has been the only way I can truly express myself. I was lucky to be able to make what I love into a career, but now that could all be taken away from me.

Sometimes while I was lost in my thoughts, I would hear the door open and knew that Haruka was watching me. She would never interrupt me though when I was in the music room, and I was thankful for it. As much as Haruka had been a huge comfort and help through this time, there were moments where I needed to be alone. However after I would go back to our bedroom she would be there… waiting to embrace me… to kiss me and tell me that I would get through it. I love her so much.

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Today was the first Doctors appointment since I cut my hand. This appointment was supposed to give us a better idea of how serious the injury was.

We arrived at the hospital a little early and took a seat in the waiting room. Haruka took my good hand in hers and gave it a reassuring squeeze. I smiled at her as I squeezed back.

"Kaiou-San?" Called a nurse. I stood up, followed by Haruka and we were led to a room similar to the one that I had been in the first time. The nurse told me to take a seat next to the metal table and place my hand on top. I did as I was told and the nurse slowly began to remove the bandage. I winced as I felt the stitches tug slightly at my skin. Once the gauze had been removed the nurse carefully cleaned the wound and the surrounding areas. I hissed a little from the pain and soon felt Haruka's warm hand on my shoulder. It's amazing how much better I felt with that simple action. Once the nurse was done she stood up and told us that the doctor would be with us in a few minutes.

Haruka took the seat opposite me that the nurse had once occupied. She looked at me with those caring teal eyes and I felt slightly more positive. For the first time in a week I felt that maybe things would actually work out. I was broken out of my reverie by the door opening.

"Good afternoon Kaiou-san."

"Good afternoon."

"So how has the hand been?" He asked as he took the seat that Haruka had vacated. He took my hand and started examining it.

"Sore."

"Well that was a given. The sutures seem to still be holding well and there's no sign of infection which is good." Haruka gave me a smile from her position behind the doctor. "We'll leave them in for another week or so just to make sure that the wound doesn't reopen." I nodded at this.

"Ok I'm going to ask you to try a few movements, but I want you to do them slowly and don't worry… if you can't do them yet there's still time." I once again nodded. "I want you to just wiggle your fingers." I tried and found that it was difficult and I could only move them slightly. I frowned as I looked at my hand as I struggled with my fingers. "Don't over do it Kaiou-san. That's actually very good." The doctor said as he wrote in my chart. "Now I want you to very slowly try to form a loose fist." I tried and felt as the tears started to form in my eyes. My fingers curled slightly, but they were in no way close to even forming a fist let alone even closing enough to allow me to grip or hold anything. The doctor saw my expression. "It's alright Kaiou-san. The fact that you have even this little amount of mobility is a good sign. We still have to wait a bit, but I think as soon as the sutures come out we'll have a fairly solid idea of what we can expect in terms of recovery and then we can start physiotherapy."

I wiped at my eyes and nodded at the doctor. Again I found that I had no voice. I feared that if I tried to speak, I would just break down and sob right there in front of him and I did not want that.

"I'll send a nurse back and they'll wrap this up again ok?" He smiled at me. "Don't give up yet Kaiou-san. You have to be optimistic." I nodded and after shaking Haruka's hand he left the room.

Haruka knelt down next to me and embraced me. I cried softly into her shoulder until I could hear the door being opened again. I quickly wiped my tears away and looked towards the nurse who had just walked in. He sat down across from me and within minutes my hand was once again covered in a gauze dressing. Like last time he gave me some instructions in order to take care of my hand and change the dressing myself should it get dirty. After he was done he said goodbye and left the room.

Haruka walked over and like she had last time put her arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer into her protective warmth. She kissed the top of my head and then we walked out of the hospital.

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After we had finished supper we were both watching a movie on the couch. I was curled up against Haruka's side as she sat on the end. Tough my eyes were fixed on the images that were flashing in front of me… I wasn't paying attention. Instead I was once again wrapped up in thoughts about my music.

I looked down to my hand and Haruka noticed. She gently took my hand and kissed my fingertips, which was the only part of my hand not encased in gauze. I looked up at her as she starts to speak,

"You're going to be fine. You heard the doctor. The fact that you have some mobility is a good sign. Obviously it is healing."

"Yes, but will it fully heal?" I asked in a hollow voice as I once again stared at my hand. "Ruka… I don't know what I'll do if I can't continue playing the violin."

"Well then for now don't think about it… You have to stay optimistic and thinking about what you'll do if you can't play is almost accepting that fate. There is still the chance that everything will heal and you'll be back to playing concerts in no time so for now… just stay positive." She smiled the smile of hers and somehow… I felt better.

I don't know what I would do I didn't have Haruka. I don't think that I would have been able to even entertain the idea of being optimistic, but with her here… telling me that things would be ok, even though we didn't know for sure, made me feel a lot better. It doesn't even really make sense. We don't have any proof that things will go back to normal, but the way she says it… I believe her.

I lean up and place a kiss on her lips. It's not a passionate one, but in it is my appreciation and love for her and she knows this.

"Thank you Ruka… for everything. I love you."

"I love you too Michi." She kisses me again and then we return to watching the movie. For the moment all the bad thoughts are pushed to the back of my mind and I feel as if a great weight has been lifted from my shoulders… even if it's not for forever.

**A/N- Once again updates for this one only come if and when I feel like it. Might never be finished so apologies in advance if that happens.**


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